the struggles of my heart

Wow...
here's what's sticking out to me the most lately...
i'm single..

i just went to a bachelorette party for one of my good friends
there were about 9 or 10 of us there
i was the only single one and the rest were engaged
it was soo rediculous
and it was hard not to let it get to me
i had a hard time putting on a smile and going about the time
there was one girl who WAS engaged and wasn't anymore
so there was wedding talk all around me
usually i don't have a hard time putting a smile on
no matter how hard it is,
but last night was really really hard
don't get me wrong
i am so happy for all of them
they're great girls and i wish the best for them
but FOR ONCE can i just answer a question with "yes"?
do you have a boyfriend?
for how long?
or even,
are you talking to anyone specific?

it's so hard to be patient
i know the Lord has got a plan
but sometimes i wish i knew the answers already
so that way i don't have to worry about being wanted
all the time!!!!
it gets tiring, and i'm starting to wear thin
maybe it's me
maybe I'M the problem with all this
i don't have a clue
me being the self-critical
i'm just going to say it's me
is there something wrong with my personality?
the way i look?
the way i act?

for ONCE in my life, i want to be pursued
i want a guy to FIGHT for me!!!
i want a guy to WANT me.
just once...
but instead...i sit and wait for this man to come along
i read books and they tell me i deserve to be pursued
i have yet to believe that
only time will tell

it's on his time now
it always has been
i read a book that said that we need to leave our cares with him
when we say we are giving them to him
GIVE THEM TO HIM
and leave them there with him
they said that there's no need to worry about the past
or the future, but to live in the present the Lord has given to us

the Lord is good
His love will endure forever

i ask you for prayers for this, it's a huge struggle with me right now
people are getting engaged around me left and right
all my friends at school have boyfriends
so that doesn't help either
i don't know what to do
but wait
so i will wait...
and while i'm waiting, i will serve Him

love you all,
Anna

updates updates updates

i have lots of updates
where to start...


boys
there's this guy
and he's super cute
i've only talked to him 
a couple times
but i just can't get him
off my mind
i know it sounds crazy
but i still have this feeling
i don't know what it is
it's indescribable
but i think there is a reason
he's in my life
he's going to do something
hopefully something good
i can't think about anyone else
my friend's boyfriend
knows him and is friends with him
he decided to talk to his roommate
about me and find out what's up
his roommate talked to him
and he said he would talk to him
later he said he mentioned me
supposedly, the boy said he knew me
but didn't know me that well
he knew of me though
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
i don't know what the roommate
said to him to "mention" me
but i hope that it was good?
he's popping up
in places that i don't expect
i feel like the Lord
has placed him in these
random places on purpose
there HAS to be a reason
plus, the Lord
would not put this passion
in my heart for no reason
that's what my friend
keeps telling me over and over
when i doubt
funny story,
i have a "magic 8 ball"
as a part of my sidebar
it's the same as any other one
you ask it a question
and it answers with something
i asked if this guy is going
to pursue me
and it said "yes"
then i asked if he thought about me
it said "absolutely"
i feel stupid bringing this up
cause i just feel dumb
i feel like i just sound like one
of those girls who are totally obsessed


life
lately i have been surrounded
by couples everywhere
my friends all have boyfriends
or they are engaged
scenario #1
last night we went to a movie
when we got there my friends
said they had other friends
coming too but they
were bringing their gf/bf
typical...
once again
i was the odd one out
it's coming to summer
and i'm getting sick of this
couple thing because i don't
presently have someone
scenario #2
my best friend
has a bridal shower tomorrow
she asked me to go
when i told her i didn't know
about it, she said it is
a COUPLES' shower
there are going to be couples
everywhere...
i feel like i should go for her
but i just don't want to be odd one
AGAIN
everyone has a special someone
except me
it's so hard to be strong
in the midst of all this
but the Lord is giving me
strength to plow through
i need a sob fest..
pronto...


love you all!
thanks for keeping strong
and helping me vent
praying for you all
<3

[insert title]

well...
it's the end of the school year
it's dead week
so ready for it to be over
i was just home for a little
tulip time break
it was perfect timing
because during that weekend
it was also mother's day
so i got to be with my mom
for mother's day
i don't really have any updates
just trying to keep my head
above and stay alive
it's been busy
i promise i will update more
later when i have the time
this was kind of a pointless
blog but it had to happen
thanks for listening!
love you all
praying for you