OTH in real life

today i watched one tree hill. i have seen every episode of every season almost 100 times, especially the one that i watched today. it was the one where keith and jimmy both die. it's the time that jimmy brings a gun to school and ends up committing suicide and dan ends up shooting keith in the hall making it look like jimmy shot him first and then shot himself. he didn't want to end up shooting anyone but he shoots at a jock that has thrown everything out of his locker. it ricochets off and goes into peyton's leg. she thinks it's glass but then when lucas comes in to check on her, he looks at the wound and knows it's not glass.

while i was laying there on the couch watching this episode, when he shot himself i started crying...i've seen this episode 100 times and i still cried. i broke down and the tears just came rushing down my face. it wasn't just a wimper that i ended up holding back. it got to the point that i couldn't hold it back and all i could do was cry. why? cause it made me think back to my senior year when i was having one of the worst years of my life.

i was taking ibuprofen for my knee that i was having problems which was perscribed by my doctor. i wasn't supposed to take more than 6 in a day. i usually ended up taking 3 at a time almost 3 times a day. no one knew...

one night. i came home and i heard terrible news about my friend being treated like crap at school constantly and i was upset. i had a really bad day and that just put the icing on my life. so i came home and went down to my room. my big bottle of pills were sitting on my night stand. it was half full and i dumped them all out on my stand... there were over 40 pills sitting there and i was going to take them all. no one knew...

then i got a random (God sent) phone call from my exboyfriend that i dated sophomore year. he was crying on the other end. his girlfriend that he dated for 2 years was cheating on him...what he didn't know is that she was cheating on him at least 1 1/2 years of those 2 years... he never knew...

but because of his pain and his troubles? those pills looked miniscule and not worth it. his worries took my mind off of mine and made my problems look like they were nothing. if you're going to cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend you might as well tear our their heart and stomp on it cause that's pretty much what you're doing!!! why do i feel so strong about this? because i've been cheated on numerous times. by the same guy. that same guy that SAVED MY LIFE! because of his phone call that night i didn't take those pills and i'm here today. because of him i turned my life around and the old me was finally in the past! HE NEVER KNEW!

if i would have taken those pills that night i would have never gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend and i would have never gotten hurt so many times that i did. we've been together and apart so many times i can't even count. the times we were apart? because he found another girl. EVERY TIME. why do i put up with that? because...i give him the benefit of the doubt and try to put the past behind. i've learned to do what people want as long as it makes them happy. that is my life. i put a smile on and act like everything is ok...it's not always ok. no one ever knows...

take an interest in your friends' lives.

God's Love,
Anna