this dirty funk

today was one of those days
i was in a funk most of the day
sitting around watching proposals
looking them up on youtube
thinking about how i can't wait
till that is me in the position
there were some who said no
and some who said yes
it was interesting
to see all the various
cute ways men popped the question
some were really cheesy
but some were really romantic
all i could think about
is how much i can't wait
to be in that situation
i got a little scared
cause i am afraid it will never happen
but tonight as i was eating with my friend
she told me this great thing
"the Lord would not give you that passion
if he wasn't going to fulfill it"
i do have a passion
to find my "prince charming"
and to share my life with him
i just can't wait
it was crazy though
cause i couldn't even imagine
a certain boy being the one
usually i can,
but not this time
this time was a lot different
i have options yes
but i just don't even know where
to start with all this
i feel it's so much easier
to trust the LORD with all of it
it's hard but that quote helped a lot
she was told it from a friend
and passed it on to me
it could not have been better timing
the LORD is good
i know he will provide
he would not torture me
he would not put us through
more heartbreak intentionally


one positive in my life lately
is i was asked to talk to the ms
girls at my alma mater
she asked me to give her a little 
e-mail about purity and any insight
i had and i sent it to her but the Lord
moved her to talk about something else
and then she asked me to talk
to them directly when i come home
i have never been more excited
just another example
the LORD has a reason
for everything
it's because of the heartbreak
from the past relationship
that i am able to pass on 
my knowledge to make the girls'
minds sharper and more aware


once again,
the LORD is good
hope this finds you all well
have a splendid week!
feliz semana
praying for you all
love you all!!!

here's the sitch

i know it's been a while
figure it's time to update ya'll
two major things


today i was at my friend's work
she works at a coffee shop
i always go visit her every day
anyways,
she's told me about this old guy
he is a regular
and he is sooo sweet
i have met him once before
but today i actually go to sit down
and talk to him about life
he told me about this book he's reading
and how much he loves it
he recommended other books
and told me about how beautiful they were
it was so refreshing to talk to him
he has such a great outlook on life
and i hope i can learn from him
he is so sweet
and lives each day of life to the fullest
after i talked to him
my friend came home
she said he has cancer...skin cancer
i wanted to cry
this old man who had just told me
how great life is 
might be passing on to a better life soon?
then i realized
i cared for this old man
it made me think of my dad
and how much i don't want him to ever
reach this old age
yes i want him to be with me
for the rest of my life
i can't imagine my life without him
this old man has been such a blessing
he made me realize how fortunate i am
and how much i should be thankful for
the Lord has blessed me
with health and great family and friends
and MANY other things
it was kind of a shake back to reality
i hope i am like that man
in his personality
and outlook on life
he's such an angel


wow, boys
there's two closer to home
and two closer to here
the two at home are old friends
well kind of
one is a fellow leader from camp last year
and one was babysat by my aunt when little
we used to play there together
the two here are newer friends
one is my best friend's fiance's twin brother
the other is a friend from class
if i had to pick one
which one would i pick?
the one from class
he's so sweet
and he seems like the perfect guy for me
totally my type and would be a great match
the only downside is age and pasts..
he just recently got out of a relationship
i don't know how long
but she moved here from jersey
in order to be closer to him
so it must have been pretty serious...
then they broke up during the weekend
and she had moved back by the time
i talked to him on monday
we are in class every day
and we are just acquaintences
but before they broke up
he had asked me to help him out
and asked my advice about them
i didn't know them
and we weren't on that level..
i didn't think...
but then that monday
when he came to me
he looked down
and i knew he needed a hug
so i gave him one and asked
about his weekend
i knew instantly that was a bad question
to ask him
he told me the short version
and i haven't asked since then
but since i see him every day
we have texted EVERY DAY
he's given me various hints
or what i think are hints
to flirting and i don't know what to do
everyone i talk to says
i'm not over analyzing or imagining it
they said if i was they would tell me
so i don't really know what to do
i'm just waiting for the Lord to
either shut the door or open it wider
what to do...
here's a huge factor to it
he's 27
that's older than my brother
he's also the oldest
so that means he has siblings
around my age...
things would be totally different
if we weren't in college
but with him getting his masters
and me getting my bachelor's
it just doesn't seem right?
i don't know what to do...
just trusting the Lord with it all
praying he will help me out
and make the answer clear


i'm praying you all are well
and hope this finds you in good spirits
peeeace and blessings!!!