This past Monday I was babysitting these 4 little kids that live in my neighborhood. While I was babysitting, they asked me if i had a boyfriend. I told them no...they just stared at me and asked me how old i was. I told them i was 20 years old and the oldest girl goes...YOU'RE 20 AND YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!
A couple nights ago i was laying in bed and couldn't sleep so i put on the Biggest Loser finale and i had it on as background while i read my book. towards the middle of the show, they brought back the people who had been voted off in past and they talked to 2 people who had met on the show and were now dating. i teared up a little bit...then i told myself that he was probably going to propose to her on the show... Later in the show he did propose...i started bawling.
My best friend is getting married this summer and i've been asked to do her hair and the bridesmaid's hair. i can't wait!! they are perfect for each other and i can't wait for the wedding!! i'm sure she can't either. :)
what do all of these things have in common? for the past week, it has seemed like everything/everyone has been focusing on relationships and having a boyfriend. sadly, i do not have a boyfriend...and i think the reason that i started bawling when i was watching the Biggest Loser was cause i am really lonely. But as i rolled over to go to sleep that night...God put the "Footprints in the Sand" poem in my mind. I was given a copy of this poem by my ex-boyfriend's dad last christmas. he knew that it was my favorite poem ever and i've been able to dwell on it a lot. It has gotten me through a lot of hardship and a lot of sad times in my life. God really is there.
I feel like God making me remember this poem at this time was him showing me that he's never going to leave my side and that he is always going to be there to help me through the tough times. He has showed me that He will always be there by my side.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
OTH in real life
today i watched one tree hill. i have seen every episode of every season almost 100 times, especially the one that i watched today. it was the one where keith and jimmy both die. it's the time that jimmy brings a gun to school and ends up committing suicide and dan ends up shooting keith in the hall making it look like jimmy shot him first and then shot himself. he didn't want to end up shooting anyone but he shoots at a jock that has thrown everything out of his locker. it ricochets off and goes into peyton's leg. she thinks it's glass but then when lucas comes in to check on her, he looks at the wound and knows it's not glass.
while i was laying there on the couch watching this episode, when he shot himself i started crying...i've seen this episode 100 times and i still cried. i broke down and the tears just came rushing down my face. it wasn't just a wimper that i ended up holding back. it got to the point that i couldn't hold it back and all i could do was cry. why? cause it made me think back to my senior year when i was having one of the worst years of my life.
i was taking ibuprofen for my knee that i was having problems which was perscribed by my doctor. i wasn't supposed to take more than 6 in a day. i usually ended up taking 3 at a time almost 3 times a day. no one knew...
one night. i came home and i heard terrible news about my friend being treated like crap at school constantly and i was upset. i had a really bad day and that just put the icing on my life. so i came home and went down to my room. my big bottle of pills were sitting on my night stand. it was half full and i dumped them all out on my stand... there were over 40 pills sitting there and i was going to take them all. no one knew...
then i got a random (God sent) phone call from my exboyfriend that i dated sophomore year. he was crying on the other end. his girlfriend that he dated for 2 years was cheating on him...what he didn't know is that she was cheating on him at least 1 1/2 years of those 2 years... he never knew...
but because of his pain and his troubles? those pills looked miniscule and not worth it. his worries took my mind off of mine and made my problems look like they were nothing. if you're going to cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend you might as well tear our their heart and stomp on it cause that's pretty much what you're doing!!! why do i feel so strong about this? because i've been cheated on numerous times. by the same guy. that same guy that SAVED MY LIFE! because of his phone call that night i didn't take those pills and i'm here today. because of him i turned my life around and the old me was finally in the past! HE NEVER KNEW!
if i would have taken those pills that night i would have never gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend and i would have never gotten hurt so many times that i did. we've been together and apart so many times i can't even count. the times we were apart? because he found another girl. EVERY TIME. why do i put up with that? because...i give him the benefit of the doubt and try to put the past behind. i've learned to do what people want as long as it makes them happy. that is my life. i put a smile on and act like everything is ok...it's not always ok. no one ever knows...
take an interest in your friends' lives.
God's Love,
Anna
while i was laying there on the couch watching this episode, when he shot himself i started crying...i've seen this episode 100 times and i still cried. i broke down and the tears just came rushing down my face. it wasn't just a wimper that i ended up holding back. it got to the point that i couldn't hold it back and all i could do was cry. why? cause it made me think back to my senior year when i was having one of the worst years of my life.
i was taking ibuprofen for my knee that i was having problems which was perscribed by my doctor. i wasn't supposed to take more than 6 in a day. i usually ended up taking 3 at a time almost 3 times a day. no one knew...
one night. i came home and i heard terrible news about my friend being treated like crap at school constantly and i was upset. i had a really bad day and that just put the icing on my life. so i came home and went down to my room. my big bottle of pills were sitting on my night stand. it was half full and i dumped them all out on my stand... there were over 40 pills sitting there and i was going to take them all. no one knew...
then i got a random (God sent) phone call from my exboyfriend that i dated sophomore year. he was crying on the other end. his girlfriend that he dated for 2 years was cheating on him...what he didn't know is that she was cheating on him at least 1 1/2 years of those 2 years... he never knew...
but because of his pain and his troubles? those pills looked miniscule and not worth it. his worries took my mind off of mine and made my problems look like they were nothing. if you're going to cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend you might as well tear our their heart and stomp on it cause that's pretty much what you're doing!!! why do i feel so strong about this? because i've been cheated on numerous times. by the same guy. that same guy that SAVED MY LIFE! because of his phone call that night i didn't take those pills and i'm here today. because of him i turned my life around and the old me was finally in the past! HE NEVER KNEW!
if i would have taken those pills that night i would have never gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend and i would have never gotten hurt so many times that i did. we've been together and apart so many times i can't even count. the times we were apart? because he found another girl. EVERY TIME. why do i put up with that? because...i give him the benefit of the doubt and try to put the past behind. i've learned to do what people want as long as it makes them happy. that is my life. i put a smile on and act like everything is ok...it's not always ok. no one ever knows...
take an interest in your friends' lives.
God's Love,
Anna
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
the biggest winner
So i was sitting around tonight after work. Didn't really have much to do so i decided to watch the biggest loser. That is one TV show that can get me to cry in an instant. Those people were so upset with their previous lives and were so happy just to lose 10 pounds in a week. Granted that's a huge defeat, but when they only lose 4 pounds in a week they are upset. They don't realize that you have to take it week by week and sometimes day by day.
Anyway, back to my beginning point. In the biggest loser, they have always had this curse of having a bad 2nd week. People worked their butts off to prove this curse wrong and they so hard to overcome this upcoming failure. Every season so far they have failed and have lost maybe 2 lbs and some even gained in that week. The stress takes an effect on them and does the worst of all effects it usually has...it gave them all the wonderful gain of pounds.
They overcame that curse this past season. She gave them the idea of losing over 150 pounds and no one would get voted off this week. The trainers thought it was "unfair and impossible". They obviously were going to try their hardest to get everyone to overcome this curse and reach this goal, but they weren't keeping their hopes up too much.
Everyone worked their butts off and it ended up that during the week they did these activities that were testing their knowledge or calories in various foods and also testing their physical balance and team work. Between the 2 activities they were able to get their goal of 150 pounds this week down to 115 and they got phone calls back to their families. Right before they were about to accomplish the phone calls home, they were saying how they had to have these and how there was no other choice. They wanted so much to hear their families' voices. Obviously, this was the most emotional part of the whole show this week, and that is also the part where I just couldn't hold the tears back.
Back to the previous point, they kicked that 115 pound goal in the butt and ended up having 1 more team left, so they put the 150 up there so see if that team could reach the 150 rest of the way. They ended up only needing 18 pounds but in the 2nd week you never know what is going to happen.
Bottom line is, they reached the goal and it was all mind over matter. They showed America that there is no such thing as a 2nd week curse. Not anymore! It was all successful and they showed us that there is always hope. No matter what people say or whether people support you, if you have the will and the motivation to get something done, YOU CAN! It's funny how people say that reality TV is so scripted...maybe it is, but this show I've always found to be amazing. It shows us that there is hope out there for everyone and every situation. Keep your head up in problems and know that there is always someone there sitting right next to you that is always open for conversation and would love to take your burdens from you...God.
Yeah, they did a lot of determination and a lot of training to get that goal reached but let's not forget who gave them that strength and who gave them that determination to do what needed to be done so that they could keep one more player on the show.
As it comes to family, before I went down to the gym to clear my head I was talking to my sister in law on Facebook and she had the idea to do a little Skype. I agreed and when we got on their my nephew who i haven't seen in a while was all talk as usual. Then they she asked him if he could say anna. He smiled and said, "Nana!" That's the family moments I miss. That's what makes me tear up and smile and want more and more of those moments.
Family is a big aspect to life. Let's not forget that whether it's our immediate family or if it's our brothers and sisters in Christ, that we are all to love and care for each other all the days of our lives. They are the ones who help get us through the day. They are the never ending friends that we can call when we need help or when we just need to vent or when we just need to sit in silence. Family matters...that's all there is to it. Our almighty God is the ultimate father and we love that he's always there for us. Let's not forget these things.
God's Love,
Anna
Anyway, back to my beginning point. In the biggest loser, they have always had this curse of having a bad 2nd week. People worked their butts off to prove this curse wrong and they so hard to overcome this upcoming failure. Every season so far they have failed and have lost maybe 2 lbs and some even gained in that week. The stress takes an effect on them and does the worst of all effects it usually has...it gave them all the wonderful gain of pounds.
They overcame that curse this past season. She gave them the idea of losing over 150 pounds and no one would get voted off this week. The trainers thought it was "unfair and impossible". They obviously were going to try their hardest to get everyone to overcome this curse and reach this goal, but they weren't keeping their hopes up too much.
Everyone worked their butts off and it ended up that during the week they did these activities that were testing their knowledge or calories in various foods and also testing their physical balance and team work. Between the 2 activities they were able to get their goal of 150 pounds this week down to 115 and they got phone calls back to their families. Right before they were about to accomplish the phone calls home, they were saying how they had to have these and how there was no other choice. They wanted so much to hear their families' voices. Obviously, this was the most emotional part of the whole show this week, and that is also the part where I just couldn't hold the tears back.
Back to the previous point, they kicked that 115 pound goal in the butt and ended up having 1 more team left, so they put the 150 up there so see if that team could reach the 150 rest of the way. They ended up only needing 18 pounds but in the 2nd week you never know what is going to happen.
Bottom line is, they reached the goal and it was all mind over matter. They showed America that there is no such thing as a 2nd week curse. Not anymore! It was all successful and they showed us that there is always hope. No matter what people say or whether people support you, if you have the will and the motivation to get something done, YOU CAN! It's funny how people say that reality TV is so scripted...maybe it is, but this show I've always found to be amazing. It shows us that there is hope out there for everyone and every situation. Keep your head up in problems and know that there is always someone there sitting right next to you that is always open for conversation and would love to take your burdens from you...God.
Yeah, they did a lot of determination and a lot of training to get that goal reached but let's not forget who gave them that strength and who gave them that determination to do what needed to be done so that they could keep one more player on the show.
As it comes to family, before I went down to the gym to clear my head I was talking to my sister in law on Facebook and she had the idea to do a little Skype. I agreed and when we got on their my nephew who i haven't seen in a while was all talk as usual. Then they she asked him if he could say anna. He smiled and said, "Nana!" That's the family moments I miss. That's what makes me tear up and smile and want more and more of those moments.
Family is a big aspect to life. Let's not forget that whether it's our immediate family or if it's our brothers and sisters in Christ, that we are all to love and care for each other all the days of our lives. They are the ones who help get us through the day. They are the never ending friends that we can call when we need help or when we just need to vent or when we just need to sit in silence. Family matters...that's all there is to it. Our almighty God is the ultimate father and we love that he's always there for us. Let's not forget these things.
God's Love,
Anna
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
happy to love
Verse 1:
She sat down in a lawn chair
Feeling the warmth of the bonfire
Covered her and the boy in a blanket
Looking over at the tent
Distracted by those blue eyes
She fell for him that moment
Little did she know then
He was going to capture her heart
And his name was Ben
They held hands in private
He walked her to the car
Said their good bye, said good night
Chorus:
This is true love, this is true happiness
Can’t shake the memories
Trying to hold back the happy tears
The way you make me feel inside
With butterflies in my stomach
This constant smile I can not hide
Verse 2:
She didn’t know what to do
So many things fell apart
The answer in the bottle and the pills too
The phone vibrated right next to her bed
Looking down she saw his name
She can’t remember the last thing she said
Nothing but silence on the other side
Every now and then some sobs
She asks if she needs to take a ride
He tells her that he needs her now
And he’s missed her more and more
She cheated which he doesn’t allow
(Chorus)
Verse 3:
They tried again and again
Together their senior year
Waiting to go to college and part then
Wednesday came around
Meaning time to head to his town
Every night was harder she found
She loved him and didn’t wanna leave
Wanting them to be close every day
Fell for him, more than anyone believed
She had never felt this way
So safe in his arms
Knowing the feeling would never go away
(chorus)
This is true love…
This is true happiness…
I will always be happy to love you…
She sat down in a lawn chair
Feeling the warmth of the bonfire
Covered her and the boy in a blanket
Looking over at the tent
Distracted by those blue eyes
She fell for him that moment
Little did she know then
He was going to capture her heart
And his name was Ben
They held hands in private
He walked her to the car
Said their good bye, said good night
Chorus:
This is true love, this is true happiness
Can’t shake the memories
Trying to hold back the happy tears
The way you make me feel inside
With butterflies in my stomach
This constant smile I can not hide
Verse 2:
She didn’t know what to do
So many things fell apart
The answer in the bottle and the pills too
The phone vibrated right next to her bed
Looking down she saw his name
She can’t remember the last thing she said
Nothing but silence on the other side
Every now and then some sobs
She asks if she needs to take a ride
He tells her that he needs her now
And he’s missed her more and more
She cheated which he doesn’t allow
(Chorus)
Verse 3:
They tried again and again
Together their senior year
Waiting to go to college and part then
Wednesday came around
Meaning time to head to his town
Every night was harder she found
She loved him and didn’t wanna leave
Wanting them to be close every day
Fell for him, more than anyone believed
She had never felt this way
So safe in his arms
Knowing the feeling would never go away
(chorus)
This is true love…
This is true happiness…
I will always be happy to love you…
Monday, September 14, 2009
true love
Verse 1:
It’s the way you make me feel so warm
And tight in your arms at night
When I’m with you
Everything seems right
It’s the way my heart stops beating
The second I look in your eye
It’s just you and me in the room
No matter how much time goes by
It’s the way my stomach drops
And fills with butterflies
I close my eyes and feel your lips
As I kiss those lips I sigh
I think to myself…
Chorus:
This is true love
No matter what others say
You’re my angel from up above
Come what may
He makes me feel special
I’m his favorite too
My dearest darling
p.s. I love you
Verse 2:
It’s the way you cover up my eyes
You ask me who it is
I guess 10 different names
Your name is what I miss
It’s the way you hold my hand in yours
Fragile like porcelain
Holding tight and never let go
Either we’ll lose or we’ll win
It’s the way you make my eyes tear
As you say “I love you”
I wish so much it wasn’t over phone
So I can kiss you like we do
So I say…
(Chorus)
p.s. I still love you
It’s the way you make me feel so warm
And tight in your arms at night
When I’m with you
Everything seems right
It’s the way my heart stops beating
The second I look in your eye
It’s just you and me in the room
No matter how much time goes by
It’s the way my stomach drops
And fills with butterflies
I close my eyes and feel your lips
As I kiss those lips I sigh
I think to myself…
Chorus:
This is true love
No matter what others say
You’re my angel from up above
Come what may
He makes me feel special
I’m his favorite too
My dearest darling
p.s. I love you
Verse 2:
It’s the way you cover up my eyes
You ask me who it is
I guess 10 different names
Your name is what I miss
It’s the way you hold my hand in yours
Fragile like porcelain
Holding tight and never let go
Either we’ll lose or we’ll win
It’s the way you make my eyes tear
As you say “I love you”
I wish so much it wasn’t over phone
So I can kiss you like we do
So I say…
(Chorus)
p.s. I still love you
Sunday, September 13, 2009
this is the end
you said you wanted to talk
i believed every sweet thing
then things changed swiftly
i felt like such a ding-a-ling
i wanted o so much
to trust you this time around
clearly you've showed me
which road you are bound
i've loved you every day
always thinking about you
but now i'm beginning to doubt
wondering if you do too
is it worth the wait
should i throw away
the laughs we made
or wait for the day
i can't do this anymore
i'm too tired of it all
wishing that you'd change
but all i do every night is bawl
i'm sorry for being a bitch
but my heart's broken enough
that i have to move on
and try to be tough
i cry these tears
for the loss i've made
these memories we have
will never ever fade
i'm sorry benjamin
good bye to you
now you know
this is what i have to do
you'll be ok without me
but this is the end for me
what's next is up to you
the only one who knows is He
i wish for you
a bountiful and happy life
filled with soccer and work
and a beautiful wife
i believed every sweet thing
then things changed swiftly
i felt like such a ding-a-ling
i wanted o so much
to trust you this time around
clearly you've showed me
which road you are bound
i've loved you every day
always thinking about you
but now i'm beginning to doubt
wondering if you do too
is it worth the wait
should i throw away
the laughs we made
or wait for the day
i can't do this anymore
i'm too tired of it all
wishing that you'd change
but all i do every night is bawl
i'm sorry for being a bitch
but my heart's broken enough
that i have to move on
and try to be tough
i cry these tears
for the loss i've made
these memories we have
will never ever fade
i'm sorry benjamin
good bye to you
now you know
this is what i have to do
you'll be ok without me
but this is the end for me
what's next is up to you
the only one who knows is He
i wish for you
a bountiful and happy life
filled with soccer and work
and a beautiful wife
Thursday, September 10, 2009
i do these things
I close my eyes
All I see is your face
We’ve said our good bye’s
The very worst case
I shut my mouth
With you on my mind
From you I am south
All I can do is be kind
I hold my tongue
From telling others how I feel
The lonely I’m among
So what’s my deal?
I kiss your picture
Wishing it was you
My feelings are a huge mixture
Of what to do
I lie to others
Telling them I’m fine
But when it bothers
All I want is for you to be mine
I cry myself to sleep every night
Thinking of you with other girls
Wondering if it’s right
To hang on to you like pearls
I pray for you every night
That you’re happy as can be
Even though it will always bite
It’s about you not me
I cover my heart
Hoping it doesn’t get hurt
I keep myself apart
From all the dirt
I hear you’re upset
My troubles fade away
I fell for you the moment we met
All I want is for you to be ok
I wish for more time
To figure things out
How to make you mine
So I don’t have any doubt
I yearn for your voice
The one that comforts me
No other boys
Are "the one" to me…
All I see is your face
We’ve said our good bye’s
The very worst case
I shut my mouth
With you on my mind
From you I am south
All I can do is be kind
I hold my tongue
From telling others how I feel
The lonely I’m among
So what’s my deal?
I kiss your picture
Wishing it was you
My feelings are a huge mixture
Of what to do
I lie to others
Telling them I’m fine
But when it bothers
All I want is for you to be mine
I cry myself to sleep every night
Thinking of you with other girls
Wondering if it’s right
To hang on to you like pearls
I pray for you every night
That you’re happy as can be
Even though it will always bite
It’s about you not me
I cover my heart
Hoping it doesn’t get hurt
I keep myself apart
From all the dirt
I hear you’re upset
My troubles fade away
I fell for you the moment we met
All I want is for you to be ok
I wish for more time
To figure things out
How to make you mine
So I don’t have any doubt
I yearn for your voice
The one that comforts me
No other boys
Are "the one" to me…
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
dream come true
vs. 1
she kneels by her bed,
all ready to pray.
it's been a while,
doesn't know what to say.
Lord, I'm sorry,
it's been way too long.
I know this is simple,
but I don't wanna do it wrong.
please watch over him,
and bless all that he does.
I don't know what he thinks
just hold him in your arms cause...
Chorus:
I'm his princess,
alone at the ball.
please bring him here,
i don't want to fall.
I'll treat him so well,
give him all the love he'll need.
he'll pursue me,
following your lead.
vs. 2:
She looks across the room,
wondering if he's the one.
she can't think of why not,
until after class, "we're done."
she has no clue,
what to say or do.
as she watches him walk away,
she says, "i love you..."
now he's with her friend,
then she figures out.
her heart was already broken,
now shattered without a doubt.
(Chorus)
vs. 3:
as she holds her head,
a hand to help appears.
she looks up through blurry eyes,
a stranger, "what's wrong dear?"
he gives her a hand,
offering with it his love.
as she looks at him,
"my angel from up above."
thank you Jesus for his arms,
that hold me so tight.
thank you for my prince charming,
in the darkness, he's my light.
Chorus 2:
I'm his princess,
dancing at the ball.
thank you for his love,
catching me when i fall.
I will treat him best,
till death do us part.
he's exactly what i need,
for a brand new start.
a brand new start
now let's start
this was all a dream come true.
she kneels by her bed,
all ready to pray.
it's been a while,
doesn't know what to say.
Lord, I'm sorry,
it's been way too long.
I know this is simple,
but I don't wanna do it wrong.
please watch over him,
and bless all that he does.
I don't know what he thinks
just hold him in your arms cause...
Chorus:
I'm his princess,
alone at the ball.
please bring him here,
i don't want to fall.
I'll treat him so well,
give him all the love he'll need.
he'll pursue me,
following your lead.
vs. 2:
She looks across the room,
wondering if he's the one.
she can't think of why not,
until after class, "we're done."
she has no clue,
what to say or do.
as she watches him walk away,
she says, "i love you..."
now he's with her friend,
then she figures out.
her heart was already broken,
now shattered without a doubt.
(Chorus)
vs. 3:
as she holds her head,
a hand to help appears.
she looks up through blurry eyes,
a stranger, "what's wrong dear?"
he gives her a hand,
offering with it his love.
as she looks at him,
"my angel from up above."
thank you Jesus for his arms,
that hold me so tight.
thank you for my prince charming,
in the darkness, he's my light.
Chorus 2:
I'm his princess,
dancing at the ball.
thank you for his love,
catching me when i fall.
I will treat him best,
till death do us part.
he's exactly what i need,
for a brand new start.
a brand new start
now let's start
this was all a dream come true.
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