it's on his time

so there's this boy
he's so great
and too good to be true
his best friend
is MY best friend's boyfriend
and they are super close
and my best friend and i are super close
the other day
me and him
and her and her boyfriend
were hanging out on the path
after that,
emily was like
we should double sometime!
i was so excited
the thing is,
i don't know if he likes me
so tonight
i prayed
Lord, this is on your time
if it's right then you'll make it happen
i have full confidence in you
i have class with him
and today
we biked together. :)
it was so much fun
we tease
we push each other around
we even smile all the time
he's great
the Lord is so good

such a change

today i talked to my best friend
he's been on and off again in my life
but the text from him tonight was so surprising
and amazing
i have never felt so happy
he's so great
we talk to each other about relationships
prospects
friends
life...
i love it!!
the only problem?
i want to be there for him
but when he talks to me about girls
i get jealous
i hear about these girls
and i can't help but think to myself
these girls are not even close to being
right for you
tonight i said we were 10 hours away
he stopped me and said..
don't remind me!!!
gosh i love him
he talked about how she fits well into his family
i agree
but yet i want to be that only one
for him..
i almost lost him once
he says i'll never lose him
i can't wait!!
he's matured so much
since the last time i saw him
the Lord is doing some great things
in his life
a best friend for life
YES
a potential boyfriend
only the Lord knows

things change

im annoyed
maybe cause it's that time
but i DON'T do clingy
you're amazing
you're sweet
but i don't think this is going to work
and it's not fair to lead you on
you already said you don't want that
well who does
but i don't know how to tell you
i've been distant
saying it's cause of midterms
which it kinda is
but i also just don't want to text
24/7
it's getting crazy
i am getting to the point where i can't take it
plus
i am not over dan
i try to be, but it's hard
and i hope that someday i will be
even if i do
you're 10 hours away
it's impossible!!
i'm sorry...
i think you know it too
but you can't be honest and believe it
any guy here at Calvin
is more appealing
cause he's here and can be there for me
you're just too much.
I'M SORRY!

what a change

wow...
another win!
that's awesome.
21- 17, 21-19, 5-21
then i come home and talk to you
and you give me butterflies
first time i saw you was when we were 5
then like 13 years later
we were in the same town
yet we never saw each other
and we hung out in high school
didn't know what to call it
then we went to school
you to UNI
me to Calvin
we're so far away
it's not even fair
you're born one day before me
talking to you tonight was so easy
i wish so much that we were closer
and i wish i could come home
just to see you
i would give anything for your hugs
those long lasting hugs
that never let go.
if only it wasn't 7 hours to get home
then i would be home in a heart beat
to celebrate with you
my eyes are dry
i really need to take my contacts out
but it's time to go to bed
we'll see what the Lord does with this
and how this plays a role in my life
the Lord has a plan
he will make things come together
i do miss you though..
do know that.

such a change

we got our first win!!!
i wish someone was there
to celebrate with me..
but it's ok!
the girls did really well
that's what happens
when you get your serves over.
: )
i love these girls
i would protect them forever
i'm not going to ASK you to come
i hate that smell
especially on you..
i had no idea..
it shocked me a lot
honey, i've been there
i've gotten hooked and i hated it
and i don't want you to lose what you have
your voice is AMAZING
and you know that i think that
but i don't want you to lose that
it's such a gift from the Lord
use it and cherish it
my voice was once ruined by that specific thing
that's NOT what i want for you
i will protect you
but do i say something to you?
you're a big boy
you can make your own choices
but if i talk to you
then i have to talk to all of you
but if i don't talk to you
i'll feel bad if something happens
and i REFUSE to let something happen to you
i'm not leaving
as your friend...
i will be here to the end..
looking out for you guys
so deal with it...
i will pray about this
the Lord will hopefully tell me what to do
cause i want to do what He wants
and He will tell me
i pray He talks to you too
i know the Lord is watching over you
i try to be ok with the pipe
but the cigs is where i draw the line
i know you're stressed, honey
but that's NOT the answer
and i can't hang out with you because of temptations
the devil at his finest..
this is not fair

let go

God gave me you for the ups and downs
i'm glad that they are doing better
i just think she needs a little shake up
you don't realize how you come off
kinda snotty
these guys are like my brothers
i love them to death
you WILL be a brother
sooner or later
no matter how long it takes
i am letting it go
the Lord has it all with him
i'm not giving up
i'm not clinging on
i'm just giving it up
to the one who can help me
He will give me the strength
and i know it to be true
but when i hear your voice
my stomach has butterflies
and then i have to do this
to clear my head cause
you're clouding it
and i have homework i should be doing
this is the Lord's
i'm letting it go

realization

i told you i was going to avoid you for a bit
i can't...
i realized that i have to CONDITION myself
hang out with you and convince myself we're just friends
it's easier that way
it's hard but i can do it
the Lord will give me strength
you're so great as a friend
i feel so relieved
my friends are here for me
they keep reminding me that i deserve THE BEST
whether or not that's you
then my roommate
said that you might consider me later
cause i have planted that thought in your mind
i don't know if that'll happen
but i can't sit around and wait for you
you're an amazing guy
and i would LOVE to call you boyfriend
but for now we just have to be friends