a change in heart

today i had a reality check
i was not able to get to church
so i listened to a past sermon from home
and it hit home and made me realize
that i need to suck it up and
get over myself
it talked about
the 3 key steps to change
1. desire
2. knowledge
3. power
all these sound simple
but in the end,
they might be the hardest
steps i might take in my whole life
i have to suck it up
desire to change
know what needs to happen
take the necessary steps
and use self-control
to make all these things happen
then today some family stopped by
and i was frustrated with them
but while they were here
i realized that they mean well
the reason i was all pissed
was because i couldn't get over myself
i was being selfish
things need to change
today in Colossians 3
i read about how i should live my life
without the 7 deadly sins
and more with love, humility, caring spirit
today i take the vow
i will do this with my life
i desire it!!
i just need to know what i need to do
and do it.
the Lord will help
yes he sure will
pray for everyone
as they go through finals
and it's getting slick up here
so pray for those traveling!!

happy december

Well Happy December everyone!
the main reason i'm doing this is
last night i had a dream
3/4 of the dream was about
my ex-boyfriend...
it was the hardest thing
cause it felt so real
i thought i was there with him
for some reason his dad and sister
were there too
it wasn't like we were back together
i remember i kept telling myself we weren't
together and so i know we weren't
but in the dream
he kept kissing my cheek
and he tried to cuddle with me
and i kept telling him no
but he wouldn't stop..
what is that?
what is this???
it's not that i like him
i know that for sure
see last weekend while i was home
i went to a party with friends
and i woke up the next morning
with a text to HIM on it
and i don't know how that happened
cause i didn't even know his number
and somehow i got his number
he never texted me back..
that's eating at me like crazy
and now i'm having troubles concentrating
which is bad timing because
i have finals in a few weeks
i'm hoping i can get my head back on soon
ugh..this is so frustrating
i want to cry.
but i don't cause he doesn't deserve anymore
tears from me..
i want to scream
cause i want to know what it means
but i don't..
i just don't even know what to do
anyone have any incite?
let me know if you do!
haha trying to keep at it here at 
good old michigan
peace and love!!!

a colorful update

there's a lot going on lately
i kind of made the decision
that i'm going to play volleyball
for my college next year
hopefully go to open gym this spring
to make sure that i do
but i hope to get back out there
i am on an im's team now
and every time we play
i just come back wanting
to play for the rest of my life
i miss it so much.
another thing on my mind
is...surprise surpsise!!!
boys.
i had coffee with my friend yesterday
and it was sooo fun
we talked about guys
and i guess it was kinda nice
to have someone to bring it up
with and talk about it with
this time 2 years ago
i was just getting back together with
my ex boyfriend
so i'm starting to miss him kinda
not that i want him
but more that i want closure
i just really want to text
him and say hey
but i don't know
if i want him to have my number
and i can't really remember his
which is probably better
i don't know why
but i always seem to be super
lonely during this time of the year
mostly because
i want to have someone to bring
to family gatherings
it is rediculous
but i think it comes with
the atmosphere
enough complaining
now onto life
i've been looking
for a job and hopefully
have found the job for me
please pray that things
go well and i get the job
i'm praying hard over here
thanks guys!!!

an update on a friend's girl

so i talked to my friend's girlfriend
she said she was on a lot of meds
for the pain and such
i talked to my friend a couple days ago
on the way to class
and he found out that she
was re-emitted into the hospital
so he had to get through class
and then get over there to see her
that is so scary
she was puking cause the headaches
were so bad
but now i guess
she's on so many meds
she could start her own pharmacy
anyways, that's all the update i have
i don't really wanna ask about it
just ask how they are both doing
pray they can keep their studies up
and pray she doesn't drop in health
also, pray for her family while they get through this
thanks guys!!

PRAY HARD!

please start praying hard if you are reading this
today i was at hoogenboom
and one of my best guy friends walked in
when i asked him what he was doing
he said his girlfriend had suffered a bad concussion
and he was taking her to the ER
he just texted me
and said they found a cist in her brain
a brain tumor
she is the sweetest girl
and she's got the biggest heart
it's just life shaking
you never know when it's all over
or when something life altering
can happen to us
none of us are invincible
i don't have any other updates
other than the fact that he's hurting
please please please
pray for her and her family
it makes me wanna cry
it's just not fair
i pray the Lord watches over her
and gives them the strength
to overcome this
this is so much more serious
than i initially thought
and now it's hitting me
please please please
pray for her and the family
thanks guys!!

a dream is a wish your heart makes

as i sit here watching cinderella
i can't help but love this story plot
it's a romantic story
about a girl that's the underdog
and comes through with the win
with a prince charming
i love that
there is hope out there
and it shows that everyone
has a prince charming
and i can't wait to meet mine
this weekend
is one of the boys' birthday
he's turning 21
and i'm so excited about it
i'm trying not to get 
my hopes up though
there's going to be a lot
of people there
and i don't want to think
i'm going to get
any attention from him
and i also don't want
to be needy or desperate
i just want to be myself
and i wan't him
to want that person
trying to stop thinking bout it
but it's hard to stop
tonight during abs workout
my roommates decided
i need to have a boyfriend
like joey from friends
he's funny and cute
today i talked to the other boy
his friend walked up giving
him the nod of approval
i really like him
he's making advances
towards me but not enough
to not question
i get to see him tomorrow
so we'll see what happens
i'm trying to be patient
and let the Lord do the work
i trust him
he's got a plan

wall-e

today i got some answers
the boy that i was all nervous about
because he was confronted on something
i found out from my roommate
it was because he had pulled a joke
i had assumed the worst
and i shouldn't have
the complication is this
when i thought the door was closed
i guess it wasn't
i think i'm thinking about things too much
it's getting stressful
and i don't want to be to that point again
the other day
i talked to my friend about my ex boyfriend
and it was weird talking about him again
then i realized something important
i'm finally moved on and over him
the time has come
for me to no longer think about him
but move on and think about others
it's not worth dwelling on
thank the Lord
it's over
that era is completely over
this weekend should be interesting
i'll keep you guys updated

a turn of events

satuday night i hung out with one of the boys
he remembered me
but was confronted on something else he did
that made me nervous
i think the Lord has closed that door.
i haven't talked tot he other boy here at school
in about a week
the Lord has also brought in
a past interest
he's from camp and super sweet.
i hadn't talked to him in a long time
and then just tonight he texted me
reminding me of how sweet
caring
and loving he is
i thought he was out of my life
but things have changed i guess
i'm just trying to live the single life
and dwell in every day the Lord
blesses me with
for i am thankful for each one
it's hard not to commit so easily
and let my mind be confused
it's just really hard.
but i'm trying not to look to hard into things
and just enjoy life
one day at a time

time to get back on track

i haven't been to church
in the past like 3 weeks
and i miss it
it's because i'm too lazy to go
and that's not acceptable
and i want to go
but i haven't been
i miss it.
ever since i've been 21
it's been parties every week
and it's sleep in sunday
yes i can go to loft at night
but i don't feel that's the same
i love LOFT
but it's not church
i know that the Lord is always there
and he will never leave me
but i still miss Him
and i miss church
it's time to get back on track
it's time to focus on the Lord
and to give him more of my time
instead of making him second in my life
it's time to make him #1 again
the time is NOW!!!

a cinderella story

there are 2 boys in my life
one of them is
my best friend's boyfriend's best friend
the other is
my roommate's fiance's twin brother
both have close connections
and both are super nice
the thing is
i know one better than the other
and i've fallen for the one
more than for the other
but i also
want them to make the move
i deserve to be pursued!
and i deserve the best
i'm sitting here watching Cinderella story
it's got such a different attitude now
i'm watching it as loving a chick flick
not watching it wishing that was my life
because i know the Lord has a plan for my life
he has my prince charming out there
and he's going to come to my rescue sooner or later
just hopefully sooner. :)
he has my very own
fairy tale planned
and i can't wait till it unfolds
the Lord is soo good!!
and i have faith in Him
he will pull through and provide
all i can do
is be the girl that the Lord wants
and know it's enough. :)

it's on his time

so there's this boy
he's so great
and too good to be true
his best friend
is MY best friend's boyfriend
and they are super close
and my best friend and i are super close
the other day
me and him
and her and her boyfriend
were hanging out on the path
after that,
emily was like
we should double sometime!
i was so excited
the thing is,
i don't know if he likes me
so tonight
i prayed
Lord, this is on your time
if it's right then you'll make it happen
i have full confidence in you
i have class with him
and today
we biked together. :)
it was so much fun
we tease
we push each other around
we even smile all the time
he's great
the Lord is so good

such a change

today i talked to my best friend
he's been on and off again in my life
but the text from him tonight was so surprising
and amazing
i have never felt so happy
he's so great
we talk to each other about relationships
prospects
friends
life...
i love it!!
the only problem?
i want to be there for him
but when he talks to me about girls
i get jealous
i hear about these girls
and i can't help but think to myself
these girls are not even close to being
right for you
tonight i said we were 10 hours away
he stopped me and said..
don't remind me!!!
gosh i love him
he talked about how she fits well into his family
i agree
but yet i want to be that only one
for him..
i almost lost him once
he says i'll never lose him
i can't wait!!
he's matured so much
since the last time i saw him
the Lord is doing some great things
in his life
a best friend for life
YES
a potential boyfriend
only the Lord knows

things change

im annoyed
maybe cause it's that time
but i DON'T do clingy
you're amazing
you're sweet
but i don't think this is going to work
and it's not fair to lead you on
you already said you don't want that
well who does
but i don't know how to tell you
i've been distant
saying it's cause of midterms
which it kinda is
but i also just don't want to text
24/7
it's getting crazy
i am getting to the point where i can't take it
plus
i am not over dan
i try to be, but it's hard
and i hope that someday i will be
even if i do
you're 10 hours away
it's impossible!!
i'm sorry...
i think you know it too
but you can't be honest and believe it
any guy here at Calvin
is more appealing
cause he's here and can be there for me
you're just too much.
I'M SORRY!

what a change

wow...
another win!
that's awesome.
21- 17, 21-19, 5-21
then i come home and talk to you
and you give me butterflies
first time i saw you was when we were 5
then like 13 years later
we were in the same town
yet we never saw each other
and we hung out in high school
didn't know what to call it
then we went to school
you to UNI
me to Calvin
we're so far away
it's not even fair
you're born one day before me
talking to you tonight was so easy
i wish so much that we were closer
and i wish i could come home
just to see you
i would give anything for your hugs
those long lasting hugs
that never let go.
if only it wasn't 7 hours to get home
then i would be home in a heart beat
to celebrate with you
my eyes are dry
i really need to take my contacts out
but it's time to go to bed
we'll see what the Lord does with this
and how this plays a role in my life
the Lord has a plan
he will make things come together
i do miss you though..
do know that.

such a change

we got our first win!!!
i wish someone was there
to celebrate with me..
but it's ok!
the girls did really well
that's what happens
when you get your serves over.
: )
i love these girls
i would protect them forever
i'm not going to ASK you to come
i hate that smell
especially on you..
i had no idea..
it shocked me a lot
honey, i've been there
i've gotten hooked and i hated it
and i don't want you to lose what you have
your voice is AMAZING
and you know that i think that
but i don't want you to lose that
it's such a gift from the Lord
use it and cherish it
my voice was once ruined by that specific thing
that's NOT what i want for you
i will protect you
but do i say something to you?
you're a big boy
you can make your own choices
but if i talk to you
then i have to talk to all of you
but if i don't talk to you
i'll feel bad if something happens
and i REFUSE to let something happen to you
i'm not leaving
as your friend...
i will be here to the end..
looking out for you guys
so deal with it...
i will pray about this
the Lord will hopefully tell me what to do
cause i want to do what He wants
and He will tell me
i pray He talks to you too
i know the Lord is watching over you
i try to be ok with the pipe
but the cigs is where i draw the line
i know you're stressed, honey
but that's NOT the answer
and i can't hang out with you because of temptations
the devil at his finest..
this is not fair

let go

God gave me you for the ups and downs
i'm glad that they are doing better
i just think she needs a little shake up
you don't realize how you come off
kinda snotty
these guys are like my brothers
i love them to death
you WILL be a brother
sooner or later
no matter how long it takes
i am letting it go
the Lord has it all with him
i'm not giving up
i'm not clinging on
i'm just giving it up
to the one who can help me
He will give me the strength
and i know it to be true
but when i hear your voice
my stomach has butterflies
and then i have to do this
to clear my head cause
you're clouding it
and i have homework i should be doing
this is the Lord's
i'm letting it go

realization

i told you i was going to avoid you for a bit
i can't...
i realized that i have to CONDITION myself
hang out with you and convince myself we're just friends
it's easier that way
it's hard but i can do it
the Lord will give me strength
you're so great as a friend
i feel so relieved
my friends are here for me
they keep reminding me that i deserve THE BEST
whether or not that's you
then my roommate
said that you might consider me later
cause i have planted that thought in your mind
i don't know if that'll happen
but i can't sit around and wait for you
you're an amazing guy
and i would LOVE to call you boyfriend
but for now we just have to be friends

i got an answer

tonight i went into this feeling good
i still feel kinda good
it's hard not to let this bug me
so i will bring it to the Lord
i feel kinda at peace
you're going to make some girl SOO happy
the guys were right
it had to be done
i NEEDED an answer
i did...
but now i need to study...
and you are preventing that
i don't want to distance myself from you
i want to be around you more
but that's not what my heart needs
i'm trying to trust this to the Lord
it's better this way
i could have tried to distance myself
but i needed a definite NO
this way i don't have a choice
you're an amazing guy
your hugs make all things better
i could be having the crappiest day ever
and your hugs make them all go away
your voice makes me melt
such a gift from the Lord
your arms make me feel so safe
nothing can touch me
i am a daughter of the Lord
he made me special
the Lord is going to make the interviews
only the good ones will make it through
the only thing that matters is the Lord's approval
i will live my life FOR HIM
he's the only one i have to impress
HE will provide for me
again, he has an amazing plan for my life
and an AMAZING guy out there for me
i'm just waiting..

the usual

i come over to see you
you "scare" me
you keep your arms around my waist
i've never felt SO at home
then comes your best friend/ex-girlfriend
i see you guys arm in arm
you wanted to see her
i've never seen you light up so much
you said...
we'll never get back together
when asked why you said...
ask her
implying that you would if she wanted to
i felt like i was competing
then a friend told me who she was
i'm not competing for that
if that's what you want then you can have it
i'm totally content with that
you know i want what's best for you
but i'm also going to fight for what i want
i made a deal with tickles
he held up his side
now it's my turn...
i'm thinking it's time for a walk
you were so happy today
yet the other day you were so pissy
i don't know if i can deal with this pms
i want you
but that doesn't mean that's what the Lord wants
the Lord has this amazing plan for my life
with or without a companion
but right now...
i have tunnel vision.
you're the one i want
you're a huge flirt..
but i keep falling for you
harder and harder
i want to end this
here and now
if that's what the Lord wants
i want answers...
but i'm trying to wait
and i don't know what the Lord wants
should i let the Lord take care of it?
i think so...

clearing my mind again.

i can't get you out of my MIND
you're the main occupant
i want to tell you what happened but i can't
it's not fair to me to dwell on you so much
i want to dwell on the Lord
why do you make me so weak in the knees?
what is it about you that makes me smile constantly?
should i tell you all this?
i want to...
but i don't know if it's right timing
i feel like i'm competing with other people for you
i can't compete with those other girls
you're so sweet
you're exactly what i need/want
i just want to spend more and more time with you
you have a voice of an angel
it makes me melt
i have to take a deep breath every time i see you
i wish i saw you more often
i'm sorry this is clingy
i find you so cute
not like jump on top of you cute
but more like just so amazing cute
you're personality is what makes you cute
your hugs make EVERYTHING better
i want so much to just have answers and talk to you about this
i refuse to lose you
it is NOT an option
if you decide it's not right...
i'm ok with being friends!!
i want to talk to you
i hate when i text you and you don't text me back
i sit by my phone waiting for you to notice me
you look through me...
not AT me..
no..i'm the Lord's!
you have nothing on me.
the Lord is my strength.
i will WAIT for him
he will HELP me.
i just want to go on a walk with you
this isn't fair...
how do i tell you?
how do i say it?
when is the right time?

Lord i need your help...

i can't turn my mind off

i talked to some of my friends and i told them that i think too much and that i can't get over it or turn my mind off...here's what's swarming my mind lately.

i can't stop thinking about him
when they told me you were away for the weekend i couldn't help but assume it was to see another girl
i get jealous of people that get to see you and hang out with you
i miss you guys
i didn't want it to come down to this
i really wanted you all to meet my parents
your voice is such an amazing gift from the Lord
i feel so blessed to have you in my life
i don't know if i want the guys to talk to you or me
Lord, what am i doing?
i don't need confidence through a guy
You made me special
i just want to hug him for the rest of my life
there are so many thoughts up here
maybe i should just wait it out
i'm afraid the Lord is going to close that door
you're the first guy EVER to make me feel like this since my ex
you give me butterflies when i see you
i hold onto the hug that you give me until the next one
boys are not with being crazy about until they are crazy about us
i DESERVE to be pursued
God gave me you for the ups and downs
i don't want to depend on you until we are together
your hugs make EVERYTHING better
nothing can harm or even touch me when i'm in your arms
you're so much different than the guys i usually fall for...and less douchey
the only time my head stops spinning in circles around you is when i'm sleeping
i go to bed thinking about you and i wake up with you already in my mind
i'm sick of being HURT
i'm not a piece of ass
i don't want to take my anger and tiredness out on my girls
they deserve so much better than that
this pillow is really uncomfortable
wow...clarity, i wish you would come to me
i don't know what to do
i want answers so much!!!!
#1, i don't want to lose you...
i'm afraid of losing you
by my honesty or by my love
i will do ANYTHING to keep you...as a friend or whatever
i have many different advices..what does the Lord want?
i shall sleep on it and see in the morning.
i'm not who i want to be...i truly feel the Lord gave me you for a reason
what are these other feelings too?
the Lord has my own fairy tale in store..
i CAN'T wait to see it unravel
it's not about me...it's about everyone else
who's gonna take care of me?
the Lord will

this doesn't even attempt to touch all the things that i'm thinking about right now but as you can tell i have a lot of the boy on my mind...pray for me that i can have a clrear mind...i think i'm gonna talk to him this weekend hopefully.

what a change.

wow. i know that i just updated my blog but i had this awesome turn around in my life that is so amazing and i can't help but let you guys all know!!!

tonight i had a talk with one of my best guy friends and i ended up just laying it all out and being honest with him to tell him that i wasn't confident as much as i put a front on and that i had a crush on this guy but i don't feel good enough for him and i just needed some sort of advice. wow. the LORD was there and he helped us through that so much. He told my friend exactly what i needed to hear. he let me know that me not thinking that i'm not good enough or pretty is saying to God is kind of a "slap in the face" to him because i'm kinda saying that what he made was not enough for me. i didn't think of it like that AT ALL and when my friend said that i was just like..WOW! i just don't know even what to say. i'm so overjoyed and i was able to have my guy friend experience the awesomeness of giving this boy situation up for him and letting him be the one to deal with all this. i don't need a boyfriend to feel adequate. i don't need a guy to accept me and show me that i am unique. i am a child of God and i believe fully that the Lord has blessed me with many different gifts that i plan to use to the best of my ability for HIM!

i'm just so pumped about this. i feel so much less burdened and i feel like the Lord has taught me a great lesson tonight: 1. don't be afraid to open up, 2. he knows the plans of my life and my prince charming will come soon enough, 3. trust him because he has my back, 4. i have amazing friends that will help me to realize things i can't on my own.

THE LORD IS SOOOO GOOD!!!

the Lord in a box

Hey all!

this blog is mostly cause i haven't been on here in a really long time and i thought that it was time to share a little bit about my life with you. there are two main points that are going to be most of this blog.

1. this summer my life changed for the better. i was a leader at the FCA camp in Pella. it was the best experience of my life and i have grown so much spiritually from it. i have been able to have the courage to talk openly about my faith and how much God has blessed my life and how much we need to trust in him. i had a lot of coaching experience that the Lord was preparing me for this season when i'm going to be a volleyball coach at a middle school close to school. while we were at camp this summer i made some AMAZING friends and met some amazing people. while there though, there was an accident during camp that brought us to have a really hard last day. we knew that it was going to play some sort of role into the Lord's plan for us but it was just difficult to get through on the last day. the girls were asking questions and wanted every answer that was possible and we just didn't have it! i had never dealt first had with any kind of death for a while so that was when you want to have all the answers but can't! it was really difficult but we found out that it brought A LOT of kids to the Lord the next day. that was a really long time and i just knew that when i got done with camp that it was going to be hard to get back into the life of home cause i had family coming into town. i just can't believe how much that touched my life and has changed me for the better.

2. the other major thing that has happened in my life is the fact that i have had a hard time having all the self-confidence in the world. i put on a face that i have all the confidence in the world but in all reality i don't have any what so ever. anywho, i have always put my acceptance in the fact that i have had a boyfriend or have a had a guy like me and i guess I've really been struggling with that this summer. i had one really good prospect but he lives in Massachusetts and i would LOVE to date him cause he's so sweet but i just don't know. now that i'm at school there is someone that i really like. i kinda liked him last semester too and he's always given me the butterflies. he is just so sweet and he is soo freaking cute! he has blonde hair and sings like an angel. i mean, this voice makes me melt in a second. problem? we're friends..nothing more. people keep saying to be patient and that the Lord will make it happen if He wants to. but here's the deal, i have had this problem of putting God into this box that i think that i need to control or give God a hand. i don't know, i guess you could say i don't trust him fully. i have always had this thing that i don't really think that any guy would look at me. i think that every guy is looking through me. never at me and saying i look nice, but always right through me and thinking of me as the friend. i just don't know..

anyways, if you guys have any kind of advice let me know! i'd love to hear it. may the Lord watch over you guys!!! thanks.

a moving experience

the fourth of July is my mom's birthday and we usually spend the fourth celebrating with my dad's side. since this year's fourth was on a Sunday we got together Saturday night but my parents could only be there for the second half because of prior commitments. so because they couldn't really celebrate her birthday on saturday they all came over on sunday afternoon.

my dad's brothers and sister rarely get all of them together at a time but this year was special and a lot different. his brother Fred was there, his sister Corinne, sister Tina, brother Case, brother Guy, and dad. we had 5 of the 8 kids there. it was AWESOME! the thing about this year was that we had a lot of firsts. Uncle Fred had just sealed the deal on his new marriage, Aunt Corinne was single, and Aunt Tina was there for longer than expected. It was so much fun because they started to reminisce about the good times when they were younger and their memories of grandpa and grandma. there were so many laughs shared and so many memories remembered, it was a blessing!

then before anyone decided to leave we all stood in a circle and prayed..for the first time ever as a family (without it being before a meal)..it was sooo moving. there were many tears shed, many giggles shared, and so many realizations that were made. we lifted up our prayers and concerns together and we will always have that now.

praise God for the family that he has blessed me with. praise Him for all the memories that he has blessed my life with. thank you Jesus for everything that he provides. i can't wait to meet Him in person and thank him personally. He is sooo good!!!

the good news

wow. it's been a while since i've been on here. instead of doing this i should be sleeping but i thought i would share the good news with those that i love.

over the past few weeks i have been struggling because i have had a problem with being single. i keep thinking of the great times that i had with my ex-boyfriend and that is not what i want. i want to have a boyfriend that is loyal and that i can trust. the problem with this problem is that i have not learned quite to let it all go and let God deal with the troubles because i know that he has a plan for my life (with or without a boy).

here's my good news:

today i had seen that this boy that i have always had a crush on from my school has been kinda down. for once i wasn't creeping on him or facebook stalking him but his statuses show up on my facebook home page. they have been depressing so i thought i would reach out and comfort him in any way that i could. so i message him and tell him that i hope that his summer is going better. see the thing about this boy is that i've only talked to him like once..and i've always been scared to talk to him. so i wasn't expecting any kind of answer. (i even said that in the message.) so when i got a response i was estatic. he said that he was very grateful for my message and it meant a lot to him. after that i said that i was always there for him and that i'm sorry that my assumptions were correct. then here's the big kicker. i told him that i would pray for him and that i hope his summer gets better. he said thank you and said it meant a lot to him.

here's the deal, i've never taken this guy to be very "spiritual" and in high school or even last week i was scared to tell people i was praying for them because i was afraid that wasn't the "cool" thing to do. that is shameful and i pray God's forgiveness for all those years. God has blessed me with the life that i have through his grace and love and i plan to spread that onto whoever i can.

the moral of the story is this, be a blessing unto others so that you to may be blessed. we must continue to reach out and not be afraid to spread the good news. :)

things have changed

wow. i just got done reading some of my past blogs and i feel like i have changed a lot since then. it's been a really long time since i've last written on here but i feel like it's time.

last time i was on here i was writing depressive things to my ex-boyfriends that were not any use in my life and that didn't help my life whatsoever. that has changed.

i am now at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan and i love it here. God is so good!! i have met some of the most amazing people here at Calvin. my brother came here for a semester and he didn't like it so that made me nervous in coming here cause i'm a lot like him. after i made a decision to come here i knew that i could make my own story and wouldn't have to start where my brother left off.

when i came here to visit i knew it was the place for me because i just felt so at home here that it was where God wanted me to be. not only have my friends changed but some relationships and me in general have changed.

my relationships that have changed would be with my parents. i have grown a lot closer to them ever since i have been here and i think that has a lot to do with the fact that i am 7 hours away from home. i rarely ever get to see them and i think that has taken a toll on both of us. i also have grown closer to my brother matthew and melissa and cayden. they are the furthest away yet i still keep in touch with them like crazy. i love them so much and miss them truly the most. my other brother derek and lindsey and bella i have not stayed as close to because we have all been busy. it was so much easier when we were in the same town to stay in touch because we could stop by each other's houses anytime. when i'm 7 hours away that makes it harder with them both working and bella not being the biggest fan of skype. another relationship that has changed since i left is the relationship between me and Leah Mills. she's the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I want everyone to know that this girl is the most amazing girl i have ever met. she's mostly always in a good mood and takes life as it is handed to her and twists it to be good. i love her so freaking much. she has found time for me and we text almost every day. some relationsihps that i have seen that have changed for the worse is that i have grown further apart from a lot of friends that i wish that i could keep in touch with. my friend gophy and i talk every so often but i miss sitting in her living room watching 13 movies in 2 days straight cause we're snowed in. i miss lauren lorae because we always have the best of times and she's always there for me. i also miss briana hofman because she is closer to me now but we still can't ever find time to see eachother. in general, some people that i wish i would have kept closer to are all my high school friends. it is hard with them going to school and me going to school to keep in touch but their tweets keep me going. all of these people i love and all of these people i will always love, but it is just hard in the hustle and bustle of life to find time. all of these people exceed the description of amazing and are way awesome. they are what keep me living. they keep me sane and i can't wait to catch up with them again this summer. i know it's hard now but we can make time.

the ways that i have changed for the better since i've been away at college is that i have learned responsibility. i have been job hunting, kept my studies up, and i have been more adament about going to class than i usually am. when i was going to classes anywhere else, i would skip class on purpose just so that i didn't have to go. here i want to go to class and if i don't then i have someone sign me in so i don't get docked. ;) another way that i have changed is that i have let go a lot of my drinking habits. when i was at school or home i would drink almost every weekend but now that i am here and i have found the right people to hang out with i have realized that i don't need that in my life. don't get me wrong, i definitely tried it but it just isn't my thing right now. my most important thing that i have brought up to my life is that i have learned to let go. i don't ever EVER think about my ex-boyfriend anymore. i used to sit in my room and think about him and find reasons to text him and now i never do that. i have stood up to people that try to use me. and i am ok with not talking to people from my class that i didn't care for.

in conclusion, i have found some of the most amazing friends here that i could have ever asked for. hannah smallegan, amy hinkle, matt dewitt, tyler mink, josh tilma, tickles, dan arendsen, evan bronson, plow, tyler mink, anand. i would not give up these kids for anything. they are some of the best. :) they always know how to have a good time and always know how to make me smile.